misc jokes

Now that I'm getting older I seem to be gaining a different perspective on life.

When people say "have a good one", I reply, "At my age, I just want to have one!"

I was a compulsive gambler. I finally quit and told my best friend that I would never gamble again.

He turns to me and says, "Wanna bet?"

A man was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made for a wonderful reading. After the man read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all that it says here?"

The agent said, "You most certainly have... why do you ask?"

The man replied, "Cancel the sale, this house is too good to part with!"

A guy gets bitten by a zombie but he hasn't completely turned yet. The end of his finger fell off so he handed it to a non-infected man saying, "This can happen to you, now run!"

Before running, the appreciative man looks back and says, "Thanks for the tip!"