misc jokes

A man driving by an insane asylum got a flat in his front right tire. He took off his tire and put the lug nuts in the wheel cover. As he rose he accidentally kicked the wheel cover and all the lug nuts went into a deep ditch. Looking in disgust he noticed an inmate at the asylum watching him through a chain link fence.

The man shouted out, "Why don't you take a lug nut from the other three wheels and use them to replace the lug nuts you lost?"

The driver said, "That's a great idea!"

The man replied, " Well I may be crazy, but I am not stupid."

What do you call somebody with no body and a nose?

Nobody knows!

Do you know why medical facilities in Phoenix, Arizona treat substantially more tourist for heat exhaustion every summer than they do locals?

It’s because tourist think you can actually tan outside.

"Hey Mom, my DNA sample results are back from the genealogy place. According to the report I have 44 points of Neanderthal DNA. Does that mean I’m related to a cave man?"

"Yes, dear, it’s from your father’s side of the family."