misc jokes

One of my friends hates exercise. To her, getting up in the morning is a moving violation.

The only exercise she get is pushing her luck, stretching the truth, and jumping to conclusions.

Although, she has been known to carry a grudge.

Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment. One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital.

After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, "Do you know what caused the fall?"

"No," the woman nervously replied. "What?"

I learned from being around my family that duct tape can't fix stupid.

But it sure can muffle the sound!

What has a hundred legs and lives on yogurt?

An aerobics class.