misc jokes

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length."

A man arrived at work one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring.

One of his co-workers noticed the sparkler and asked about it.

The man explained, “My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!"

A man and his wife were driving their recreational vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure out how to pronounce it: KISS-a-me? kiss-a-ME? kiss-A-me?

They grew more perplexed as they drove into town. Since there were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the person at the register, "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that we can understand?"

The cashier looked at him and said, "Buuuurrr gerrrrrrrr Kiiiinnnng."

Did you hear about the new garlic diet?

You don't actually lose weight, but you look thinner from a distance.