misc jokes

What’s the first thing a person says when they spot a UFO or Big Foot?

"Honey, do we still have that one megapixel camera?"

1. Men are like Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like Government Bonds... They take too long to mature.

9. Men are like Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Ricky: You really don't look good.

Bob: I have a cold.

Ricky: My goodness, AND you have a cold too!

I ordered an extension course, “How to Deal With Life’s Disappointments”.

Yesterday, I got the first lesson in the mail.

It was an empty envelope.