misc jokes

Always keep several get well cards on the mantel...

If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.

"Believe it or not, but when I see red I'm happy."

"How's that?"

"I sell sunburn remedy."

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

Did you hear about the contortionist who passed away?

He died in his own arms.