misc jokes

People you do not want to hear say, "OOPS!":

• Your surgeon.
• Your dentist.
• Your nurse.
• Your hairdresser.
• Your mechanic.
• Your gardener.
• Your tax accountant.
• The computer tech person.
• The house painter.
• The pilot.
• The crew installing your roof.
• Your lover.

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

6. Bad decisions make good stories.

7. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

8. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again!

What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

'C' is his first love but 'X' marks the spot!

Josh was helping Sally, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."