misc jokes

5. In the middle of smoking a cigarette, you pause for a "cigarette break."

4. Cracking your knuckles leaves you winded.

3. Morning schedule: Wake up, cough for three hours, take nap.

2. In your neighborhood, they give directions by saying, "Go down to the big pile of cigarette butts..."

1. You explain to the nurse that you didn't realize you were in a "non-smoking" iron lung.

A professor of clinical psychology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand, included a lecture on crowd psychology in his annual course. To illustrate mass hysteria, he regularly showed TV news footage of teenage crowds greeting the Beatles at the local airport in the 1960's.

One year, when he ran the footage, he heard squeals and bursts of laughter from his students. When the film ended he asked what had caused the hilarity.

Replied one student, "We recognized some of our mothers!"

They told me, "Follow your dreams..."

So I went back to bed.