misc jokes

A real estate agent was showing a woman through a beautiful room at the top of a large hotel.

"Now in this wing we have the master bedroom, bath, and den."

The woman interrupted suspiciously, "And den what?"

I went to the doctor to see if he can help me to stop smoking .

He suggested that every time I felt like smoking I should reach for a chocolate bar.

It didn't work, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get the chocolate bar to light.

"Bill's nowhere near the fool he was."

"Has he reformed?"

"No, he's dieting."

Fred: I’ve invented a truck that runs on water.

Ed: Why does it have such huge balloon tires?

Fred: So it can run on water.