misc jokes

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my shape to keep.

Please no wrinkles, Please no bags,

Please lift my butt before it sags.

Please no age spots, Please no gray,

As for my belly, Please take it away.

Keep me healthy, Keep me young,

And thank you Lord, For all you've done.

Your shadow is confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the last few feet thanks to you.

A guy goes to the doctor, “Do you have something against a persistent hiccup?”

The doctor gives him a huge slap in the face and says, “Yes. Sorry, this is the best treatment.”

The guy holds his cheek and says, “Okay, but it’s actually my wife who’s got the issue!"

You might not know this... but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in... but you can see right through them

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off....it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object... Because to get them to go anywhere.....you have to light a fire under their arse.

SPONGES: These are female...because they are soft......squeezable and retain water.