One of my customers at the department of motor vehicles wanted a personalized license plate with his wedding anniversary on it. As we completed the paperwork he explained, "This way I can't forget the date."
A few hours later, I recognized the same young man waiting in my line. When his turn came, he said somewhat sheepishly, "I need to change the numbers on that plate application."
A man was arrested by the police after he stole his neighbor's clothes straight from the clothesline...
He claimed he was doing online shopping.
A truckload of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins.
It was a turtle disaster.
Carol and Patty were walking down the street. Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
Patty said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the compact.
Patty looked in the mirror and said, "You dummy, it's me!"