Doctor: Alright, I have your diagnosis.
Patient: Make it quick Doc, I don’t have all day.
Doctor: So who told you?
I once bought a dog off a blacksmith.
As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
"Well, I reckon you've been a pretty good horse," said the farmer. "You work hard and I ain't had to call the vet on you much. I only wish you pulled the plow a little faster."
"NO!" said the horse, "I said 'feedbag' not 'feedback'."