Best Jokes

A man was very much in love with a woman. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.

That evening he ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.

The fellow never found out what made his girlfriend so angry with him.

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.

The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says, "What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?

The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."

The teacher asked the class to write a composition telling what they would do if they had a million dollars.

Every pupil except Little Johnny began to write immediately. Little Johnny sat idle, twiddling his thumbs, looking out the window.

Teacher collected the papers, and Little Johnny handed in a blank sheet.

“Why Little Johnny,” the teacher said, ”everyone has written two pages or more, while you have done nothing. Why is that?

“Well,” replied Little Johnny, “that’s what I would do if I had a million dollars.”