How do you make a cheeseburger sad?
Make it with blue cheese!
A husband and wife are sitting on the couch. After a long day at work, they are both just resting and relaxing as they watch a tv show.
Husband: "I am feeling thirsty. Can you please get me some water?"
Wife: "Shall I also get you some pizza as well?"
Husband: "Oh wow! That‘d be great, my mouth is already watering."
Wife: "Good, that means you don't need the water anymore then."
Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get a Christmas present?
Because the rest of the letters were not-E.
Mother: "Why did you swallow the money I gave you?"
Son: "Well, you said that the money was for lunch!"