Interviewer: "Your resume says you take things too literally."
Me: “When the hell did my resume learn to talk?”
Boss: Congratulations! I'm promoting you to manage our Montreal office!
Young man (disappointed): But sir! There's nothing up there but bar girls and hockey players.
Boss (now insulted): I'll have you know that MY MOTHER is from Montreal!
Young man (thinking fast): No kidding? What hockey team did she play on?
What is at the end of everything?
The letter 'G'.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
"Are you having a crisis?"