Best Jokes

His team was 20 points behind and the coach was desperate, so he looked down the bench to his 330 pound tackle that was not his brightest player. The coach called him over and asked him, "If I put you in, can you play ruthless?"

"I sure can coach! Which one is ruthless?"

Oomga, a cannibal from the Congolese Amazon River Basin tribe went into the local restaurant for a bite to eat. "What's good today?" he asked the waiter.

"Today, we have an unfortunate wayward explorer from Norway. Also, we have three shipwreck survivors from the Spanish militia to pick from. But our special of the day is fabulous," the waiter continued. "She's a tarot card and crystal ball reader, one who specializes in a rather uncommon, vintage method of fortune telling."

"That settles it," Oomga replied. "I'll have the rare medium, well-done."

Why did the home crowd scream with delight when their favorite batter got three strikes?

He just happened to be bowling at the time.

A wannabe singer was auditioning for a part in a musical, in which she had to sing a song. She gave it her best shot and when she was done, asked the producer if she hit all the right notes.

"You certainly did," the producer replied. "You packaged them quite conveniently around all the wrong ones."