Best Jokes

I saw my son eating chocolate even after I confiscated all his Halloween candy. I asked him where he got that from.

He said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

Went to see a psychic who was in a bad mood...

...then I saw a clairvoyant who was really grumpy.

I'm just trying to find a happy medium

My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.

Me: Can we change the subject?

My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

My teenage son treats me like a god.

He acts like I don’t exist until he wants something.