Best Jokes

As the herd of cows were traveling, one of them was falling behind.

She shouted out to the others that she could not run any faster.

She shouted, "Slow down, my calves are killing me!"

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door, and said "He can work for you, but it will cost you $500."

"That much?" asked the man.

"But you're getting my husband and his otter," said the wife. "They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"But I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350," the man countered.

"Sorry," she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

My neighbor was afraid to grow a fruit tree.

I told him to grow a pear.

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "You're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker."

The man quickly responds, "The attorney's."

The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"

The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"