Best Jokes

A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.

”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager. “Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”

On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.

“Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.”

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads, "Talking Dog for Sale."

Intrigued, he walks in. "So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog.

"I've led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home."

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog's owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?"

The owner says, "Because he's a liar! He never did any of that!"

Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale.

Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.