Past Winners

An atom loses an electron…

It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them!”

The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again.

"Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."

Two women were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all my boyfriend and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds in two weeks."

"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.

"Not yet," the first replied, "I like to lose at least another 10 to 15 pounds first."

Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?

A: Because it was soda pressing.