misc jokes

“Sarcasm doesn’t get you anywhere.”

“Well it got me to the sarcasm world championships in Mexico ‘98.”

“Really?”

“No.”

Comedian: "I highly object to you having me go on stage after that monkey act."

Stage manager: "Honestly, I can understand, the audience might have thought it was an encore."

After 35, women don’t have one night stands.

We have auditions.

I tried to get into a trendy New York nightclub last night.

The doorman said to me, "Sorry sir, you've had too many."

Confused, I replied, "What, drinks?"

"No, sir, birthdays!"