Best Jokes

A sweater I bought was picking up too much static electricity.

So I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

Wife: Darling, it was such a hard day. Would you tell me the three magical words that always make me so happy?

Husband: You are right.

Wife: Very funny, no, the other ones.

Husband: I was wrong.

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day's trip, he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait, and he disappears into the lobby.

After a minute he comes back, with the woman on his arm. “Fancy meeting my 'wife' here,” he says to the clerk. “Guess I will need a double room for the night.”

The next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over $3000. “What is the meaning of this?” he yells at the clerk. “I have only been here for one night!”

“Yes,” says the clerk, “but your 'wife' has been here for three weeks!”

My niece, Sue, plans to open a discount grocery store where everything expires in a week...

She's going to call it Best By...