Best Jokes

Norma and Sonia were talking about their grandchildren after the holidays. Norma said, "My daughter-in-law stopped making my grandchildren send their 'thank you' notes. Each year I sent the grandchildren a card with a generous check inside. I always received a lovely `thank you' note. However, since my daughter-in-law stopped making the grandkids send thank you notes, I never hear from them."

Sonia said, "My daughter-in-law never made the grandchildren send `thank you' notes. I too send them a very generous check. However, for the past several years, I hear from them within a week after they receive it. In fact, they each pay me a personal visit."

"Wow," remarked Norma. "I wish mine would do that."

"You can, Norma, you can."

"How?" Norma asked

"Simple. Do what I do. Don't sign the check."

I was walking past a farm and a sign said 'Duck, eggs!'

I thought, "That's an unnecessary comma..."

And then it hit me.

I’m on a whiskey diet...

I’ve lost three days already.

A man and his wife attended a dinner party at the home of their friends. Near the end of the meal, the wife reprimanded her husband. "That's the third time you've gone for dessert," she scolded. "The hostess must think you're selfish and an absolute pig."

"I don't think so," he said. "I've been telling her it's for you."