Best Jokes

On my birthday I was cutting the lawn when my teenage son came home from a baseball game. Seeing me behind the mower, he exclaimed, "Oh, Dad, you shouldn't have to mow the lawn on your birthday."

Touched, I was about to turn the mower over to him when he added, "You should wait until tomorrow!"

When the ice-maker on our refrigerator broke, my husband dropped by the local hardware to find the part. Because the sun was so bright that day and the interior of the store was dark, his eyes hadn't quite adjusted when he walked in.

He accidentally stepped on the foot of a woman examining some samples. She screamed, causing my husband to jump sideways into a display of fireplace tools that went crashing in every direction. Unnerved, he stumbled over to the service desk, and as he put his hands on the counter, he flipped over a bowl of marbles, scattering them everywhere.

After taking a deep breath to calm himself, he announced to the wide-eyed woman working there, "My refrigerator doesn't work."

She replied, simply, "I don't doubt it."

As I was walking through a variety store, I stopped at the pet department to look at some parakeets. In one cage a green bird lay on his back, one foot hooked oddly into the cage wire.

I was about to alert the saleswoman to the bird's plight when I noticed a sign taped to the cage:

"No, I am not sick. No, I am not dead. No, my leg is not stuck in the cage. I just like to sleep this way."