Best Jokes

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.

As the son of a college professor and a professor myself, I hoped my sons would go to college. But after our oldest found that the courses that he wanted to take at the university were full, he got discouraged. I went to the registrar. I'd heard he was a stickler for rules, so I was floored when the man asked, "What classes would he like?" and took care of the problem on his computer.

Seeing my surprise, he explained that years before he was in the same situation as my son. He'd met a professor who took him to the enrollment lines and got him into every class he wanted. "That man was your father. By any chance, is he still alive?"

I nodded, and he smiled. "Good," he said. "Tell him we're even."

A five-year-old told her mom she was going to have ten babies when she grew up.

"That's a lot of babies," replied the mom.

The mom asked her eight-year-old son, "How many are you going to have?"

"None," he answered, rolling his eyes. "My wife is going to have the babies!"

A man is walking through the forest when he discovers a gnome. “If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.

He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms. Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”

“Why?” asked the man, smiling.

“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”