Best Jokes

Son to Dad: "What's the difference between an Egyptian mummy and our mummy?"

Dad to Son: It's simple son. When we see an Egyptian mummy, you get fear. But when we see your mummy, then I get fear!"

Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctor's fashion?

The patient used it for two years as a railroad pass.

Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and once into Yankee Stadium.

It came in handy as a letter from his employer to the cashier to increase his salary.

And to top it off, his daughter played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the Curtis Music Conservatory.

A man opens his door and finds a snail on his front porch. He picks it up and throws it across the street.

A year later the man opens his door and finds the same snail on his front porch.

The snail looks up and says, "What the heck was that all about?!?!"

Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car's engine suddenly turned off.

It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind her was honking his horn continuously as Lisa tried to get the car to start up again.

Finally she gets out and approaches the guy behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Lisa said, smiling. "Would you be so kind and try if you can get it fixed for me? I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."