Best Jokes

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,

‘No, just leave it in the carton!’

Occasionally you hear about a really dry spell in Texas.

I always thought the stories exaggerated until I got a birthday card last week.

They attached the stamp with a staple.

A woman walks into a police precinct and reports that her husband is missing. When the Sargent asked her how long her husband’s been missing she says, “Since last winter.”

Astonished, the Sargent asked, “Why did you wait till spring to report him missing?”

The woman replies, “Because the landscaping company is asking too much money to mow the lawn.”

A reporter asked a man how he felt when he found out that he won the lottery.

“As soon I saw the numbers line up, I knew it was going to be wife changing!”