Lately my wife looks at me like I’m just a piece of meat...
And it wouldn’t bother me if she wasn’t a vegan.
Dentist warns his patient: “This might be a bit painful.”
Patient: “That’s okay, I can handle it.”
Dentist: (sighs) "I'm sleeping with your girlfriend.”
My picky eater husband couldn't decide which slice of cake to eat.
Frustrated I put a slice on his plate, handed it to him and yelled, "Just give piece a chance!"