One night I woke myself up with a loud "Hello!" to someone in my dream. As the next day came and went, I thought the nocturnal outburst was mine alone to remember.
But that night, as my wife and I were getting ready for bed, she said dryly, "If you see anyone you know tonight, just wave."
If your name is on the building, you’re rich...
If your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class...
If your name is on your shirt, you’re neither of the first two!
A woman shipped an expensive gift to her best friend. A few days later her best friend replied with a thank you card but forgot to write something on the inside.
When her friend brought this to her attention, to escape embarrassment she said, "When I saw how much you spent on that gift... I WAS SPEECHLESS!"
A drunk appears in front of a judge.
The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk, a bit surprised, says, "Okay, let's get started!"