Patient: "My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go shopping. Can you give me something for it?"
Doctor: "Try this medicine. If it doesn't work, come back to see me, and bring me a new video camera too."
A married couple are arguing back and forth about the husband's time on Facebook and Twitter.
The wife threatens, "If you continue to spend more time on Twitter and Facebook, then I will spend more time on Amazon and EBay!"
The husband goes offline immediately.
At what time do most people go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty!
Why did Santa go to a Kanye West concert?
He wanted to improve his wrapping skills!