Best Jokes

The two teenagers were arrested for disorderly conduct. The police sergeant told them they were entitled to a phone call. Sometime later a man entered the station and asked for them by name.

The sergeant said, "I suppose you're the lawyer?"

"Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver their pizza."

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.

I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.

I pray I'll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!

At the end of last semester, a fellow student complained about how he failed the English course.

The teacher invited him to write a formal letter of complaint to the principal.

I glanced at his letter to see how it was going.

His first sentence read, "Dear Principle, it is infair and unposible that I faled english."

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner.

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.