A preacher challenged his wife and criticized her actions after finding a dress costing $250 in her bag. He said, "You know we are on an incredibly tight budget.
The wife admitted that she was wrong but explained she was tempted by the devil who followed her to the shopping mall.
The man rested a hand on the woman's shoulders and spoke softly, asking her to constantly resist the devil with the command, "Get behind me, Satan!"
The preacher's wife response was: "I did, and he said 'The dress even looks good from back here.'"
A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client, who had attended the trial, was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client.
The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading, "Justice has triumphed!"
The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"
Told my wife I was going to start smoking pot.
She said if I did she was going to leave me.
That's proof that it gets rid of aches and pains!
I said to my wife: "When I die I'd like to die having sex."
She replied: “At least it’ll be quick.”