Latest Jokes

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the new technology.

A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials.

"Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.

"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."

A star-struck young lady was invited to a Hollywood Christmas party. She spied a star she was sure she knew and went up to him.

“I’m a huge fan!” she said. “Could I touch your neck?”

The actor stepped back and said, “What are you talking about?"

She blurted, “Aren’t you Zach Woods?”

“No, I’m James Woods!” he answered with some annoyance.

“I’m so sorry,” she confessed. “I guess I was in the wrong neck of the woods.”

My friend called me and said, "Meet me at the Vinyl Shop in 45."

I made it there in 33, which was Record Time!