misc jokes

Three lifelong buddies (one not so bright) were returning from a day of mountain biking in the Rocky Mountains. The not so bright buddy was in the back of the truck to better enjoy the mountains.

Heading around a rather tight turn, the truck veers off the cliff and plummets into a lake just below.

After just a few seconds, the two buddies in the truck cab break the surface with a gasp of air. To their horror, they realize their not so bright companion was still under water and they both immediately dove down to rescue him.

They pulled him to the surface and after a coughing fit asked him why he hadn't swam to the surface. With an annoyed look on his face, the not so bright buddy says, “I couldn't get the tailgate open!”

My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at.

He went to town in a $10,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche. 

I thought, "Nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $15,000 Toyota. Came back in a $800,000 vehicle. 

A Greyhound bus.

I went on a date with a girl who said she loved animals.

I said, "I work with animals every day."

She said, "That's so sweet. What do you do?"

I replied, "I'm a butcher!"

We never went on a second date.

A 55 year old man who was born on May 5, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, trusts the number 5.

One day a friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening. Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.00 cash from his bank account, goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5.

Sure enough, the horse comes in fifth.