misc jokes
Favorite this joke When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember.
"You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough."
"No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly.
"Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband.
"It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual thirty dollar's worth."
Why is a psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man than for a woman?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
A quiet little man was brought before a judge. The judge looked down at the man and then at the charges and then down at the little man in amazement.
"Can you tell me in your own words what happened?" he asked the little man.
"I'm a mathematician dealing in the nature of proof," said the little man.
"Yes, go on," said the astounded judge.
"Well. I was at the library and I found the books I wanted and went to take them out. They told me my library card had expired and I had to get a new one. I went to the registration office and got in another line. I filled out my forms for another card. I got back in line for my card."
"And?" said the judge.
"And the clerk asked me, 'Can you prove you're from New York City?'"
"What happened next?" the judge asked.
"I punched him."
A bald man had a real hang-up about his lack of hair. He had tried all types of treatment, but without success. Then one day he passed a barber’s shop with a sign in the window that read: “Bald Men. Your Problems Solved Instantly. You Too Can Have a Head of Hair Like Mine For Five Hundred Dollars.”
And beneath the sign was a photo of the barber with his flowing mane of hair. So the bald man went into the shop and asked the bartender, “Can you guarantee that for $500 my hair will instantly look like yours?”
“Certainly,” said the barber. “It will take no more than a few seconds for us to look exactly alike.”
“Okay then,” said the bald man, handing over the money. “Let’s go for it.”
The barber took the money and shaved his own hair off.
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