misc jokes

I once ate a dictionary...

Never again, I ended up with thesaurus throat I've ever had!

An Irishman by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass, on learning it wasn't real, returned to her future husband and protested vehemently about his cheapness.

"It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock."

Harry was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. Since his own car was off the road being serviced.

“Sure,” said Carmine, “I’ll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside.”

As they’re driving along, Harry says, “Carmine, what’s that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?”

“That’s my digital clock.”

A few minutes later, Harry asks, “And what’s that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?”

“That’s my tachometer,” says Carmine.

Then a few minutes after that, Harry starts to ask, “But what’s that….”

“Hold on a minute, Harry,” says Carmine, “I can see you’ve never been in a Rolls Royce before.”

“Never in the front seat.” says Harry.