misc jokes

Two old friends meet passing on the street one day. But one seemed hopeless, and almost on the verge of tears.

His friend asked, "What has the world done to you?"

The sad man said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."

"That's not bad."

"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."

"Sounds like you should be grateful..."

"You don't understand!" he interrupted. "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."

Now the friend was really confused. "Then, why are you so sad?"

"This week... nothing!

Two cab drivers met.

"Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"

"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."

As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store's PA system...

"If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining... Towels are located in aisle five."

A man went into a bookstore and complained...

“I bought this book from you yesterday, 'Cowards in History' and all the pages fell out!"

The sales assistant said, “That’s because it has no spine.”