Best Jokes

My neighbor, a tailor, has a new job.

I asked him how much he enjoyed it.

"It's Sew-Sew."

A frustrated husband sits in front of his laptop:

Dear Google, please do not behave like my wife... please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing and suggesting.

Thanks.

I met my husband while I was working in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take out the librarian instead of the books.

After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk. I asked what he was looking for, but he didn’t answer. Finally he unearthed one of the rubber stamps I used to identify reference books.

“Since I couldn’t find the right engagement ring, this will have to do,” he said as he firmly stamped my hand.

Across my knuckles, in capital letters, it read... “NOT FOR CIRCULATION".

Did you hear that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer never went to school?

That’s right—he was elf taught.