What do you call a fat psychic?
A four chin teller!
Wife: "I lost my keys again."
Husband: "It's in your jeans."
Wife: "Don't drag my family into this!"
What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day?
"You’re purrr-fect for me!"
The doctor took Dan into the room and said, "Dan, I have some good news and some bad news."
Dan said, "Give me the good news first."
"They're going to name a disease after you."