misc jokes

Harold: Jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge is not dangerous.

Morris: How can you say that?

Harold: It’s s fact. Jumping off is not dangerous—it’s the sudden stop at the end that is.

As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks.

Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block. All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly.

They glared at us with looks of disgust.

Suddenly, we realized why... we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them.

The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was.

I told him it is between 1:00 pm and 4:00 pm.

After I warned the nurse taking blood that it would be very hard to find a vein on me, she said, "Don't worry. We've seen worse. Last year we had a girl come in to get a blood test for her marriage license and we had to stick her six times in four places before we got anything."

"Yes, I know," I said. "That was me!"