misc jokes

There once was a man from Pawtucket...

Who kept all his cash in a bucket...

His daughter, named Nan...

Ran off with a man...

And as for the bucket - Nantucket!

During a recent meeting of the local Optimist Club, they challenged one another to come up with an inspirational sentence using the word countenance.

This was the winning entry: "I put a cheerful countenance on people every day."

It was submitted by our local funeral director.

A Latin man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can’t find what he’s looking for and he doesn’t know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, “Tienes calcetines?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what that is,” the salesperson says.

The guy tries again. “Medias?” he asks, miming pulling up socks. The salesperson brings him to the trouser section. “No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero medias, calcetines,” he says.

And so it goes for nearly 30 minutes. Finally, almost by accident, the salesperson leads him to the sock section.
The Spanish guy, excited, points and shouts, “Eso sí que es!”

The salesperson’s jaw drops and he says, “Well, why didn’t you TELL me you knew how to spell it?"

A government committee was formed to investigate the emergence of Ireland as a world financial power.

After months of study and deliberation, they determined that it was due to the fact that the country's capital was always 'Dublin'.