Best Jokes

One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary."

"You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"

A woman was driving down the street and got stopped by a police officer.

"May I see your driver's license?" he said.

She looked at him with disgust.

"What's the matter with you guys? I wish you'd make up your minds. You took my license from me yesterday."

The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee. "I see you have put 'ASAP' down for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as possible, of course. However, I see you've put 'AMAP' down for required salary. I don't believe I've ever seen that before, what does it mean?"

The applicant replied, "As much as possible!"

A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself.

The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once."