misc jokes
Favorite this joke Me: {sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red) "I can't see you anymore. I am NOT going to let you hurt me like that again!"
Trainer: "It was a sit-up. You did one sit-up."
A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.
"Just count to five and pull on the main chute," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve chute."
"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."
The man jumped out the plane, and pulled on the main chute. Nothing happened. He pulled on the reserve chute. Nothing happened.
He looked down at the ground which was approaching fast, and said: "I bet that bus won't be there to pick me up either."
Jack: "I'm taking a weight lifting class. Every week the postal carrier brings me a new set of weights."
Bob: "Gee, you don't look like you've gained any muscle."
Jack: "No, but you ought to see the postal carrier!"
A cowboy is drinking at a saloon in the old west when suddenly, a man bursts through the swinging doors and yells, "Joe, Joe, your house is on fire! Hurry! Hurry!"
Upon hearing this, the cowboy rushes out the door, gets on his horse and begins riding away, before saying, "Hey, wait a minute, I ain't got no house!"
The cowboy then returns to the saloon; a few moments later, a man bursts through the swinging doors and yells, "Joe, Joe, your family has been captured by bandits! Hurry! Hurry!"
Upon hearing this, the cowboy rushes out the door, gets on his horse and begins riding away, before saying, "Hey, wait a minute, I ain't got no family!"
The cowboy returns to the saloon again; a few moments later, a man bursts through the swinging doors and yells, "Joe, Joe, you've just won a million dollars! It's waiting at the post office for you!"
Upon hearing this, the cowboy rushes out the door, gets on his horse and begins riding away, before saying, "Hey, wait a minute, my name ain't Joe!"
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